Friday, 24 August 2012

do I look pretty???

My husband does not get a thrill from wearing women’s clothes. He’s not a closet cross dresser and in all honesty he’d make an ugly woman. Yet for reasons unknown to me he decided to put on one of my dresses the other night and proceed to do a crazy little dance in front of the kids. All together it was probably a whole minute of dress wearing, the lads had a good laugh and the incident was forgotten.


That was until the other day when I went to pick the kids up from school wearing the dress. For those of you that don’t know, my boys attend a close knit Catholic School with approximately 303 students. After school all the children come to a specified area out the front where they are supervised until they are collected by parent/guardian etc. This pickup area is therefore full of parents, students, teachers and most often even the principal who supervises the drive through pick up. Picture it now, children lined up in class rows with their teachers, parents in their cliques portraying how wonderful they are and the principal out the very front near the kerb overseeing the whole thing. Then there’s me walking up to this pick up area in said dress. I am about 10 meters away from the pickup area when Josh, who’s already seen me and gotten permission to leave, steps out of the grass area onto the footpath and in front of everyone, hand on hip and shouts in a condescending tone “Mum! Why are you wearing Daddy’s dress?”. Teachers, parents, friends and yes the principal all turn to look at me who is now so red I’d put tomatoes to shame.


Guess I’ll have to start my own parent clique now.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

found my testicular fortitude

I’m not generally one to rock the boat or cause a fuss. I’m content to go with the flow and unless necessary just leave others be to their devices.

As some of you know the other week as I walked past some smug young girls I overheard one of them not so quietly say “Thank God I am not as fat as her.” Normally I would just keep walking and not stoop to their low level. Instead I turned around, took a step closer and whilst puffing my peacock like chest loudly said “Thank God I’m not as ugly as your soul clearly is.” As I promptly and proudly walked off some people clapped and I felt victorious.

Once again whilst out yesterday I overheard a comment that propelled me into an almost Pulp Fiction style beg for forgiveness you pitiful person situation. The comment from a middle aged woman “That’s disgusting that she’s out without covering that head of hers. I can’t even look at her without feeling sick, she should be ashamed.” It was in reference to a woman whom since I don’t actually know, can only assume is undergoing some kind of medical treatment that makes her look like death warmed up and has caused her hair to fall out. Instantly reaching boiling point I could not contain the angry barrage that flowed from my mouth at her.  I mean seriously if shame should be inferred in anyone’s direction it is clearly hers. I asked her how she could come out without her disgusting mouth in check since it’s clearly a detriment to all of society. Once started though there was no stopping me and she bore the full brunt of my outrage in dumbfounded open mouthed silence. A crowd started to form in curiosity and the woman headed to the car park. I was left defending my actions it is true but still felt vilified in my actions and will not apologize for them nor feel that I was too cruel to that woman despite some of the onlookers comments.

Continuing into the supermarket I was again confronted with a scene of complete lack of respect. At the checkout where I was waiting to pay for my groceries the man in front of me went off his head at the youngish checkout girl for putting his meat in the same bag as his milk. Even though she politely apologized and rectified the issue, he continued to abuse her. So much so that the young girl was in fact in tears and he still didn’t look like stopping. Of course management were nowhere to be seen so for reasons unknown to me I stepped in and stuck up for the girl. It was of course not very successful since the man then just directed his anger at me, although I didn’t actually raise my voice to him or even say anything remotely cruel to him. I merely pointed out the problem was fixed, the girl apologized and now since she’s crying perhaps he should calm down. He did his best to engage me in an argument but I didn’t take his bait. Finally he paid for his groceries, made some threats and left. I really don’t know what is wrong with people lately.  

Watch out universe, Emma is on a rampage……… err power trip :P