I’ve always wondered why kids indoor play center’s don’t sell Panadol or the likes. I mean supermarkets, milk bars, service stations and toilet vending machines do so I am sure they could too. There has been many at time at such places where I have certainly needed some or a whole packet even. Today was no exception. The weather was cold and raining so the place was heaving with yelling, squealing, screaming, laughing little people. Add on top of that the parents all chatting and shouting away and the air gun booming as it shoots foam balls in the ball area. That in itself is migraine material but this awesome place also has a separate skating rink complete with roller blading disco sessions. These skate sessions include lights flashing, music blaring and D.J. on microphone calling out instructions, praise, birthday wishes, competitions and all amounts of things. You could be forgiven in thinking as I do, there should even be a doctor on site to prescribe valium to keep the overreacting, highly strung, nerves on edge parents in check.
We sit there frazzled to the wick trying to enjoy a latte in relative peace whilst keeping track of our kids whereabouts and behavior. I hardly dare to blink as I watch my toddler like a hawk. In doing so you hear and see many terrible things. I guess at times we even do things we really wish we hadn’t. I am sure the mum who quickly snuck her daughter off to change her wee drenched pants really regrets not looking for where the ‘accident’ was released or even notifying staff of the occurrence. As does the Dad regret saying a whole chapter of trailer park trash type insults at the 3 y.o. that finally retaliated to an afternoon of torment from his feral behaving child. I regret some time ago pursuing my cheetah paced 2 y.o. up into some older age group play equipment in a skirt flashing the poor sods trying now not to vomit their latte’s. My only concern at the time was the kids safety but it was pointless as I couldn’t keep up with him and as soon as he squeezed through the rollers I had to watch him vanish into the mesh of tunnels and steps and hope for the best. I did enjoy the slide back down so it wasn’t all a waste.
Today I witnessed something completely new. ‘Toddler ten pin’ as it was named by the table of adults behind me. I bet you can guess what the aim of the game is but daren’t think it could be real, but oh yes to these cruel excuses for individuals it’s a great sport. They had older age children that they were egging on and almost forcing to go up into the play equipment or out onto the skate rink and try and knock over as many kids as possible. There was a points system and bonuses for tears shed or as they termed it ‘chubby chaps’. Yup I know, disgusting, appalling, abhorrent and just down right wrong. So what did I do about it? Confront the group of clearly lovely individuals 8 -1? Noooo! I mean how could I and really what would that achieve. I guess in hindsight I could’ve notified staff but that thought just didn’t penetrate my throbbing head. Instead I went about accidently on purpose tripping, knocking, bumping and even spilling a drink on this table of adults. I in turn made their time as unbearable as possible. Twenty odd minutes after I started my barrage in pure frustration this company of creeps left the building. My head ache may not have dissipated but the sense of triumph I had certainly overrode it. Toddler Ten Pin Coaches 0 – Em The Clumsy Gem 1.