the darnedest things

Lazing around with a throbbing head ache from my wall clothesline that I didn't fully extend and it dropping smack on my head, I reflect on my earlier trip to the supermarket. We all know our kids love to act up when out in public. They're so small yet so clever and conniving it seems. Half the time its bewilders you where they even heard some of the things they say. Standing in the queue that seems to be going nowhere to pay for the groceries my little Benny Hill reincarnated declares at the top of his lungs, "Mummy your boobies are so soft and warm." This isn't the first time he's said this and not the first time in public, yet I am still gob smacked and wishing to dig myself a hole to hide in. The surrounding elderly men are all bright red and trying not to look in my direction and the women are frowning on me and looking down their noses. Toddler is only 2 and half yet looks like he's more like 4 and this tends to make people think he should be behaving differently. Anyway so I reply that mummies boobies are private and that he shouldn't talk about them or touch them. I grin triumphantly at the judging discerning women for about two seconds before the loud reply "But mummy I just love your privates, they're so much fun and wonderful." Oh yes the horror of sounding like a paedophile at the local supermarket from my little boys innocent comments. I'm thinking I now may have to avoid this supermarket for a week or two when we step out into the food court and see a woman giving what looks like oral love to a banana. All of the previous events melted away as I am sure most people will be remembering the banana over the boobies and privates, especially since toddler shouted "Look mummy, that lady loves banana's."