people are strange

Meeting new people and making friends is a little like blind dating. You talk to them a little on the internet or wherever you meet them first then decide to meet. Usual rules apply, meet somewhere public and don’t give out addresses till you’re almost certain they’re someone you’d like to spend more time with. In the scheme of things we’re all a little unusual but some people are just plain disturbing. I arranged for one of these meet ups on Sunday. Lovely location picked with plenty to keep us all occupied. Time arranged. Picnic all packed. All set for a lovely afternoon. Meet up time came and went. I’ve been having problems with my mobile battery completely dying very rapidly so I started to worry. I didn’t have the other person’s phone number and had only seen pictures on Facebook. There would be no way of contacting her and she was driving a rather decent way to meet me. What if she arrived but couldn’t find me and think I didn’t come. What if my feral tantrum throwing toddler continued to drive me crazy and I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to leave.  We had been at the park for 3 hours already due to me being fed up with cabin fever at home. Being concerned wasn’t necessary in this instance as she certainly did arrive and my phone didn’t die. She may now be washing her eyes out with bleach since whilst in the toilet my toddler opened the door and gave her an eyeful of me doing my business. Maybe I am now on her steer clear list.

this little doggy went to the library

Tiny budget and long weekend check. Four boys to entertain and feed check. Sleep deprived and thin  patience check. Typical great start. Decided to check out the local library. Plenty of free things to do and see there. Also 10 tween boys on computers jointly playing some maze war game. I'm thinking Wolfenstein but obviously it's a newer game.

Now these lads are all talking loudly, drinking and eating whilst playing. There's music pumping from somewhere and I feel more like I've stepped into some PC Club meet than the library. I have no idea why but I felt obliged to go over and say to them "I don't think you're allowed to do that." One looked my direction for a micro second and said "I think we are Grandma." Giggles all round. Oh snap to the little smarty pants. I am only 32 and hardly Grandma but OK whatever. I then start looking around and see people with store bought coffees, kids running around eating stuff and well loads of talking and people having fun. Man this place has toys, dvd's, cd's, colouring, activities, movies playing, music on for atmosphere, magazines and friendly approachable staff. Has it really been so long since I've been to a library that they are now somewhere that fun is encouraged? Grandma maybe I am since clearly I am out of touch.  20 items of any combination on hire for a month check. A Saturday morning at the library education check. Old dogs can learn new stuff.

beware the shiela beside the road

I knew I needed petrol so why on earth didn’t I just get it. I’ve been waiting for an invoice to be paid to provide the funds but some peanut wasn’t happy with some part of the invoice and wasn’t paying till it was rectified. He did not however bother to mention this to us. Hello people, pay your bills. Some of us need to eat you know!

 So Plan B was arranged and I could’ve gone last night but didn’t and I didn’t this morning because my big boys were competing in school cross country and I didn’t want to miss it. I’m now going to blame the tractor that cut me off and an ambulance with all lights flashing stopped at an intersection that didn’t actually go anywhere for sucking up my last drops of fuel. Yes I am aware that the responsibility lies with me but it feels better to share the burden. The car of course runs out of fuel and I get out be a total girl and start crying. I had been standing in the sun as a volunteer helper at one of the track points for three hours so now I’ll blame that. Almost instantly a car pulls over and a man gets out. I’m thinking oh “Thank you!” but as he opens the door I hear a woman shouting “You’re going to regret that you know, she’s probably a serial killer or something, it’s probably a prank to rob you blind, you’re a stupid fool” (and so forth cause then I stop listening and start thinking what the???) He still continues in my direction and asks “Are you alright lady?” To which I answer “Yeah I’m just an idiot who should’ve got petrol and now I’m crying about it.” His face screws up in curiosity as he then asks “So what’s with all the blood? Is it yours?” I’m all like “Huh what are you talking about?” Completely bewildered. He gestures at my top. It is then that I realize my toddler has managed to cover me with BBQ sauce from his sausage at the schools sausage sizzle. I guess maybe it coulda been blood looking???? His woman then shouts “You better get back in this car right now Shaun or I’m leaving you here!” Straight away he heads back to the car and before he leaves I hear him say “She’s off her head.” Ok that’s different and I still have to walk to the petrol station looking apparently like I've just slaughtered a chicken.

the things you see

Today started in the usual way. A substantial tantrum from the two year old because he was refused chocolate for breakfast and a full drink bottle spilt all over the floor. I thought to myself, "Great now that's out of the way, it'll be a relaxing day." It kinda was by my standards. We had playgroup today, which toddler and I both LOVE. Whilst sitting having morning tea in their U shaped courtyard with grass in the center, a rainbow lorikeet came out of the blue flying low and smashed straight into a window before flying off. It was ok but the kids all crapped themselves and some adults too. Rather inconvenient as it disrupted my cuppa. I came across this guy driving. There is many explanations I am sure, but it just seemed totally bizarre to be driving alone in his one tonner with that massive ladder and a wheelchair. Just an odd combination. Wheelchair was very nice and in great nick and not strapped down and there was every possibilty of rain.

Returning home from the school pick up I found myself busting to use the little girls room. So with one big kid already inside, I bought my 2 year old into his room where he was happily playing and left the other big kid to get his bag and come in. I tell you it sure is a good thing I only had to do peas not carrots because when I came out the door to the garage was wide open and the garage roller door was also wide open and my 2 year old was MIA. You already know I didn't need to do carrots but I near on crapped myself. Rushing outside in a frantic search I found him a house up and thanked everything possible he was safe. I then had a mini shit fit at the big kid and poured myself a bourbon.

this one has a rude word and person!!!

My good deed this morning was shut down in flames before it barely started. I was in the car park of the local Westfield and saw a 60 odd year old man pacing the car park clearly looking for his car. I went over and asked him "Would you like some help?" He quickly replied "With what?" To which I answered "Looking for your car." Quick as a wink and full of loathing he said "You don't even know what it looks like you stupid bitch." I was gob smacked. As I stood there mouth open in shock he stormed off. Rude and aggravating as it was, it did not deter me from my other planned good dead for the day. For the last couple months I’ve had ongoing dramas with my car. From worn brake pads to the door open alarm continually going off after someone broke into it to the engine randomly cutting out frequently. I was fortunate to find an amazing mechanic who actually listened to me and asked for more information to try assist in fixing the last problem in particular. He did research on the internet. He called other car knowledgeable people to source possible solutions. He always made time even at the last minute for me to bring my car in. He took the car for long drives and triple checked the car before giving it back. He charged me extremely fair prices every time and often didn’t charge me for some things he did. He spent hours talking to me about what might be wrong and why and explaining the mechanics of my car. He showed me how to save money on parts I needed from eBay. Most importantly he was honest. Ok enough already I’m starting to sound like a dam infomercial. So I wanted to thank him, besides paying for the services. With no idea what booze he drank I decided he would love some of my home baked cupcakes and a lovely thank you card. I of course put in reasonable effort to make some chocolate mud fudge, strawberry and cream and moist vanilla cupcakes. I put them with pride into some cupcake boxes and took them to the mechanic. Wasn’t so great though that right out the front I tripped on who knows what and landed on them. Flat cakes anyone? Perhaps it’s time I make like a donkey dick and hit the road, cause maybe Brisbane aint the place for me…….

Bugs are big where I come from

Ok so these particular bugs are not dangerous. They can't bite me or even directly hurt me. Yet they give me the creeps all the same and since Victoria doesn't have Jumanji sized bugs these have certainly taken me by some serious surprise. A couple of weeks ago I found this enormous cockroach (well I think it's a cockroach) in the back yard. It made me feel ill to see this thing crawling around my house and all I'm worrying about is where is its family. Today it was this Giant Grasshopper (Valanga Irregularis). Went to get into the car and bam there it was. If grasshoppers are this big, soon I'm going to be seeing spiders as big as cats.

By 9 o’clock this morning I was ready to put my littlest one back where he came from. He’d been getting up since 4:30am and permanently up from 5:30am onwards. It’s not the early start that was the issue, sleep is overrated for most parents anyway, it was the fact that his behavior was feral. You know nothing would appease him, he frequently burst into tantrums and basically drove me bonkers. At 5.30am I had to argue with him that he could not have milk and Weetbix on a plate which resulted in a 10 odd minute tantrum despite the sleeping house. Jumping on the trampoline at 6am is also out of the question and no he could not wake up his brother to drive him to the shops. I gratefully left the house about 10am. You know sometimes it makes everyone just feel better to get out. Rushed off to an errand before collecting my bigger kids from school for a special outing. Don’t ask me how I didn’t notice the red light on the dash or the beeping noise, in transit from errand to school going around a round-about rear passenger door flies open. Of course there was a bus stop just after this round-about and the door knocks a man over. He shouldn’t have been standing so close to the edge anyways. A hundred apologies later and loads of deep breaths I’m off again. I get to the kids school and realize I’ve left the tickets at home. Brilliant! It’s at least a 15 minute drive back home, 15 minutes back to school and then 20 odd minutes to the show and I only had just over half an hour to get there. DAM. Somehow we made it and despite Mr. Cranky Ants Pants toddler climbing all over me and talking far too loudly at all the worst times, the show was amazing. A dinosaur petting zoo/stage show and it was cool. To continue the special treat we went home via Hungry Jacks. I’m sure it will busy there tomorrow about lunchtime since toddler quite happily and proudly stated, “Mummy, your boobies down there” whilst pulling my top all the way down and flashing my full chest to the lovely lunch time crowd. Was of course full of tradies who loved it and a couple old ladies who may have been having heart attacks as they left rather quickly. To rub salt into my wound some ten minutes later refilling my soft drink, one of these blokes comes over and says “Have I seen you before?” Bright red I turn and look at him and say “Um yeah you have, think maybe just a bit too much of me.” To which he replies with an air of distaste “No not you. We all saw you. I’m talking to her.” The woman standing behind me, who I might add was snickering her head off. Oh yeah I was THAT person and I felt like I was in high school in some popular kid practical joke.